Review: The Zero Boys (1986)

Recently released by Arrow Video on Dual Format Blu-Ray + DVD, The Zero Boys is a cult 80s horror classic mixing humour, stalk and slash and a terrifying early entry into torture porn. Director Nico Mastorakis keeps the action at high pace, with some truly grade A shots of the classic ‘cabin in the woods’ scenario and the threat coming at you from out of the dark. This film is stylish and you can easily see why it’s so memorable and well loved for horror fans out there.

The Zero Boys play paintball games, and they’re shit hot at it. They used to be rubbish – hence the ‘zero’ rating in their name – but now they’re really good! They wear great shorts and muscle tops, have good hair, cars and bag all the best babes. When they take their girlfriends on a trip to the mountains and think they see a girl running through the woods, they investigate and come across a deserted cabin. They decide to stay and throw a party, but end up discovering THE MOST GRUESOME MASSACRE IN HISTORY. With heads in fridges and girls filmed with plastic bags over their heads, The Zero Boys paved the way for Hostel, Saw and all the recent hardcore torture porn flicks.

Being shit hot paintball players, they then need to utilise their skills to stop the serial killing locals around the cabin. This becomes a fight to death in the woods, a Rambo/Deliverance vibe where our heroes – who are GOOD – attempt to defeat the baddies. It’s essentially American heroes vs whatever you perceive the threat to be, that ol’ horror chestnut.

There’s also a great score by Hans Zimmer, which just adds to the kudos of the film. Check it out. You won’t be disappointed.

TOTAL RATING: 9/10

GORE RATING: 2/5

SCARES: 2/5

DISTURBIA: 2/5

Watch it for: The banter of the Boys

Watch out for: Don’t look up at the ceiling

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ctallers

I like Dario Argento movies. A LOT

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