Director Tom Six is a very bad man. A very bad man indeed. The Human Centipede (First Sequence) is quite the mouthful to get through and completely revolting but also a brilliant watch. There’s some moments of sheer black comedy but when the scary Dr Heiter (Dieter Laser) reveals his gross-out plans for his human centipede to his three helpless victims, it’s a scene of absolute horror and very frightening. When you see it for the first time, it really is something else. My sweet three dog.
John Carpenter’s The Thing is completely terrifying, with body horror to the max. Kurt Russell’s R.J. MacReady leads the men stuck at an Antarctic research station whilst they struggle to survive ‘The Thing’ – an alien lifeform that takes control of its host and resembles them. So you never know who the alien could be and that’s where the jumps lie – who is going to be next? One of the most tense and scary scenes is where R.J makes the surviving men test their blood to see who is human…and ‘The Thing’ shows its true, bloody colours. Yuck.
We’re now in a rather apt political climate to revisit Brian Yuzna’s 80s horror cult classic, of the wealthy elite consuming the lower classes. Not much happens for the first 60 minutes but then…then…oh god. Can we even talk about it?!
Baywatch’s Billy Warlock plays Bill Whitney, a rich kid who doesn’t feel he quite fits in with his family although they have it all. When his sister’s ex boyfriend plays him an incriminating recording from her first society party – including incest, an orgy and what sounds like a murder – Bill becomes a bit suspicious of what his family are actually up to.
The first two Acts set up what is coming to Bill nicely, with almost David Lynch/Blue Velvet like qualities to its look and feel. Are Bill’s concerns justified or is his family, with their secret parties, a different species altogether?
Yuzna’s film is clever, satirical and never more relevant body horror. The climax is as yukky as we remember it and…hang on…doesn’t that look like Trump in the throng?
GORE RATING: Off the scale
DISTURBIA: 5/5 *sob*
Watch it for: The ending. Oh boy!
Watch out for: Butthead!
In Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jay (Jason Mewes) famously proclaims to Ben Affleck “Affleck, you da bomb in Phantoms, yo!” – and he’s dang well right. Phantoms is a creepy flick, based on the novel of the same name by horror author Dean R. Koontz, and it’s a solid mix of The Thing, Aliens, Invasion of the Body Snatchers and The Blob. There’s genuine jumps and it really does get under your skin.
Jennifer Pailey (Joanna Going) picks up her sister Lisa (Rose McGowan) from LA to bring her back to her peaceful, quiet home town of Snowfield, Colorado, where nothing much ever happens. On arrival, they find Jennifer’s housekeeper dead and the town’s 400+ residents seem to have disappeared. Cars won’t start and all electrics are going a little gaga. Add to that some strange crackly voices down the telephone.
Bumping into Affleck’s Sheriff Bryce Hammond and his two deputies – the very strange Stu (Liev Schreiber) and Steve (Nicky Katt) – it soon becomes very clear that something’s very wrong indeed. Steve is tempted outside by a woman’s screams, and is snatched away. And then a giant bloody moth turns up.
In a separate location, academic Dr Timothy Flyte (Peter O’Toole) is contacted by the FBI on a matter of national security. His research area is on the Ancient Enemy, who he suspects is behind mass disappearances in history such as Roanoke and Nanking, China. But who are the Ancient Enemy and why are they so interested in Snowfield?
The plot is rather over complicated but Phantoms is a gripping and scary film that hooks you in. You don’t know what the threat is or what form it will take – like The Thing – so you’re never quite sure what’s around the corner. The seemingly innocent, cute Labrador? Yep, stay away from him.
O’Toole hams it all up gloriously and it’s very silly, but a lot of fun. The end, gory pieces are also pretty bold and yukky. There’s some real body horror here.
And is Affleck “da bomb”? You betcha. Phantoms is a whole lot of unpleasant fun and well worth seeking out.
GORE RATING: 4/5
Watch it for: Peter O’Toole. BRILLIANT
Watch out for: That poor dog